A Better Response to Grief

As a result of my profound loss, I have joined several online grieving groups. The ones I find most helpful are for mothers who have lost a child. These private groups provide a safe place to express overwhelming sorrow, fears and regrets. Some of the group members are great comforters, while others are in desperate need of comforting. We are all different. We have different circumstances, we grieve differently and we are at different stages in the grief journey. And while we are different, we are also the same... we have done the unspeakable – we have buried a child. We are forever connected by tragedies of immeasurable magnitude.

There are several of these women I feel such a strong connection with – I have never met them in person and have only shared online comments, but our written words have helped me move forward just a bit. There is healing in sharing and comfort when our great hurt is acknowledged. For many hurting women, these private groups are a lifeline.

Society isn’t very good at dealing with death, dying or grief. There seems to be such a reluctance to acknowledge the loss after a certain length of time and the bereaved are often left feeling isolated. It shouldn’t be that way.

I pray I will always be open to opportunities to help others see grief through different eyes... to share a meaningful dialogue or brief verbal exchange without awkwardness. I want others to know it is not only okay, but beneficial to acknowledge someone’s loss. I remember a year after my son, Jordan, died my husband and I were attending services at a new church. One of the parishioners introduced himself and asked how many children we had. The conversation was going along fine as we shared stories of our living children. When I stated that our son had passed away the previous February, there was no response and the man soon took his leave. It broke my heart.

I learned from that sad experience and, as I move along the grief journey path, I try to encourage others to avoid shying away from the painful topic. I always try and let people know how thankful I am to share a story about, or a detail of, Jordan’s life.

I wonder what the grief journey would look like if society placed value on it, if there was no timeline placed on grieving, if we could openly express the sorrow that continues to overwhelm our souls.

I have a small group of supporters that remain faithful as my passage continues. Their love and care are not lost on me... I am indeed blessed. But I have met others who have had to navigate this painful journey on their own. It is my hope that one day all grief will be acknowledged and respected and those who grieve will not feel isolated or abandoned, but will be surrounded with kind hearts and compassion. Our children existed... they were, and continue to be, an integral part of who we are. When those who grieve are forced to wear a mask and hide their pain, the anguish is only increased.

As a society, we can and should do better.