I Can Do Better

I went to visit my 84-year-old aunt a couple of weeks ago. It is a 6-hour round trip, so I don’t see her very often. She had recently been admitted to a nursing home, which prompted the visit. She made it clear that she didn’t want to be there, and I am still wishing there was something I could do to make things better for her. She was such a bright spot in my childhood and I hate seeing her so frail and unhappy.

Growing up, I remember her as being so pretty and very sophisticated! She traveled a lot to far away, exotic places, she had beautiful stylish clothes and she always drove a new car. Those things were impressive to an awkward and lonely young girl. But the glamour aside, I mostly remember that she loved me and made me feel special… and I needed that.

My aunt has been a widow for a long time. She had always been close to her daughter and she depended on her more as she got older. I believe she had counted on her daughter to help her navigate the trials and hardships of old age, but that wasn’t to be. Her daughter passed away unexpectedly five years ago. I remember how devastated she was at the time, but it would be three years before I visited that same hell, so I couldn’t truly relate to her pain at the time.

Our visit was a good one and I was glad I made the effort to see her. It was a beautiful day and the weather was perfect. I pushed her wheelchair outside to a very nice courtyard and we sat in the shade, sometimes talking and sometimes silent. I watched this bigger than life image of my youth and was saddened by the ravages of time. She was so frail and weak. She looked up and saw me watching her and said that she missed her daughter... she knew I would understand that indescribable anguish and we connected on a much deeper level. We sat there for a minute, lost in our own private thoughts, and eventually she looked me in the eye and said, “It never gets better.”

I have thought about that frequently in the past few days. She is right, it never gets better. The death of a child, no matter the age, is a life-altering event that never fades with time. Life can be difficult, and tragedies occur… it doesn’t get better, but I can do better. I believe that is what the world needs… people doing better. We need better listeners, better encouragers, better supporters, better friends, better disciples. We need people better at getting involved, making a difference and loving people. We need better!

In loving memory of my son, I can do better! I miss you, Jordan.